Alison Hamilton Homepage

I find poetry very therapeutic and wrote these while in London. As I had been away for more than thirty years, I found it very difficult to adapt. However, after a few months I realized that it was "home" and began to enjoy some of the things I had missed ...like Spring.

Poems from London 1998-2000

Was I really born here?
I enter the winding snake
With belly stuffed with a thousand clones
Screeching as it slithers through tunnels to oases of light.
Was I really born here?

We stand with gaze averted from sleep-filled eyes and morning breath Until "excuse me" is met with dazed, vacant looks and immovable feet
(Am I invisible?)
As I try to extricate myself from the snake's packed innards.
Was I really born here?

"Mind the gap!"
Which gap?
So many feet, so many coat-swathed bodies pushing to enter the snake, I fear I will be trapped.
A battle ensues between those entering and those leaving
And our sardonic reptile smiles at the pathos of his robotic passengers
And close his doors quickly to entrap as many victims as possible.Was I really born here?

Now we are free, we scurry along tunnels, up stairs and escalators
In our frenzy to get to work on time
Lips pressed tightly together lest a smile might inexplicably form. Brows furrowed reflecting our discomfort
'Til we reach our destination and wait for the journey home.
Was I really born here?

Was I born in this land of dismal dawns and sunless sunsets?
I may have been born here but I was not born to live here.

********

HOMELESSNESS: When you think of the homeless, What do you see? Is it an old man wrapped in rags Smelling of urine And holding a squashed beer can in his filthy hand As he sits in alcoholic stupor? Or is it a young woman with ratted hair And pierced skin Her eyes glazed with dope-filled days and drifting nights Lips pursed in defiance and rage? We need to see beyond the rags And meet the souls of broken spirits and damaged psyches With loving understanding and brotherly concern. Do not turn away with derisive scorn But stop and realize that it could be YOU

********
Spring: bare branches burst into bud excitedly; as the sun wraps London in warm embrace; faces lift, exchanging smiles; and an air of frivolity pervades the atmosphere; with joyful laughter and emerging camaraderie.; i have not seen this for more than thirty years,; this glorious metamorphosis from rest to rejuvenation; and i am amazed at every spring-like sign,; the newness of life the sensual pleasure of being.
: ********

the madman

mind trapped in a world of insanity begging to be freed
inappropriate words and gestures desperately seeking attention
"help me"
how can we know in our so-called normal lives
what it is to hear voices commanding, demanding
spitting out words of derision and evil?
if we could really penetrate the soul
and discover the essence of the being
maybe we could understand and love the child within
and help.

********

Spring (2): A bird sings lustily on a bare-branched tree heralding the approach of spring And the sun peeps out to smile kindly on Daffodils bobbing in the breeze. Buds wait expectantly for a sign to burst Into radiant bloom And flowers defy the crisp remains of winter And dare to lift their faces to the cirrus sky above. It is spring!

********

ADAPTABILITY: I scorned life when I first arrived; With those damp and dreary days; I felt so strange, so out of place,; So foreign in my ways.; The people, they all looked the same,; Yet were a motley crew; A multilingual populace,; Of every race and hue.; My suntanned limbs turned pale and drab,; My skin an ashen gray,; I comforted myself with food; To be back home I'd pray.; Yet time went by and I became; More used to being here,; And now it's finally reached the point; When to have to leave I fear.; How flexible we're made to be,; Though we feel the loss and pain,
And if we have to journey on,; We'll do it all again.

********
LOUIS: He smiled for the first time today And I glimpsed the window to his soul, A curtain lifted and there was clarity of mind, Freedom of spirit Unearthed from the torment of insanity. How long will it last? This escape from his personal jail. Can he maintain his present stability? A prolonged release from despair? Or will he once again descend into the depths of his illness? And cease to smile.


********: The face of Evil (written after the Brixton nail bomb attack)
Smooth white scalp eyes of hate: anticipates victim's fate
this is the face of evil: nails that bored through hands of love
now explode into those above: this is the face of evil
black is black and white is white: gay or straight, we have the right
to fear the face of evil


*********

Interlude: I watched the leaves turn brown; And fall to a mushy mass below.; The wintry wind sped up its pace; In blustery, chilled delight; And the spirit of Christmas embraced; Stores and streets alike.; It was a long time since; I'd seen such a festive sight.; As winter turned to spring; And buds burst boldly into bloom,; I felt an excitement of; New beginnings and new birth.; Daffodils and crocuses, bluebells; And England's glorious flora; Appeared suddenly from their hiding place; Deep down beneath the earth.; And now the summer sun is peeping; From behind the cirrus clouds; And people scurry brightly; Exchanging smiles and glances; And I wonder if this time is but an interlude in life; As we wend our way through changes; And, hopefully, to chances.

**********: Don't rush me
Don't rush me I'm dancing as fast as I can To your tune,
But I have my own song to sing.
Let me be me.
Let me be free
To be
Don't rush me.
Don't assume
That my smile reflects the state of my soul,
It might not,
For I have my torments and trials
Let me be me,
Let me be free
To be.
Don't assume.
Nurture me.
I spend my life caring for those
Who're in pain,
But I have my own wounds to heal.
Let me be me,
Let me be free
To be.
Nurture me. (October 2000).

This poem was written as I came to realize that while we tend to feel that we are obligated to do things to please other people, we should not neglect our own wishes and needs. Sometimes it takes great courage to be assertive but, if we are not, we are depriving ourselves of true self-awareness and fulfillment)